The Noodle Game
by ShaggyDiz
Summary: #1 - A short humor piece where the insanity of one man, the writer, can affect a universe of many. *Complete*
1. Part 1

The Noodle Game

Disclaimer: the x-men do not belong to me. What happens here, though, is something that will make people lose their lunches…and this breath…for a long time to come.

A warning from the author: I am fucked up. Thank you.

The Noodle Game

A fanfic presented to you by…

THE SHAGGYDIZ!!!!!!

Part 1

Call me Ishmel.

No, wait…call me Cyclops.

In my earliest years I remember being confronted by a man. That man was bald and wheeled himself around very strangely. He got weird pleasures when he ran into people with that hover wheelchair of his, but that is a story for another time. He introduced me to my future wife…hmm…I remember two wives…one has died but got resurrected somehow and now haunts my wow-he-looks-twice-your-age son, Cable. And what of Rachel…who is Rachel anyway? She claims to be from a different reality where everyone is dead and it sucks to be alive. Oh well.

I love my wife, Jean. Really, I do.

__

She is a total bitch! You must delete her now!

What? Who was that?

__

The bitch must die!

Damn, this is getting freaky for my tastes. I will return later to tell you the rest of my story.

Hehe. He never knew who scared the daylights out of him. And you don't too, suckers! Anyway, I really don't want to see my beloved Jean die. Especially after that tongue action I got in Uncanny #394…hehe. Damn, now she knows how to give a man a good kiss. Wooo! Got my heart racing. 'Snikt' Someone's coming. Can't let them know I'm here.

Hi! I'm Jean Grey. I'm also Marvel Girl. And the Phoenix. And not to forget about the Dark Phoenix. And Red. And…well, you got the point.

What is the point? Well, for one, I'm not blond, but I do go stupid sometimes, especially when I lose my powers and, like, get them back suddenly. Isn't that silly? Giggle. Hehehehahahahaha! I'm soooo funny! Hehehehehhahahhehehhehahahaeha! Damn, girl, you got to, like, slow down.

Shall I talk about my whack husband of mine? Ok, I will. Damn, he is such a sissy! And a cry baby! And he looks so horrible as of late. I mean, how can you talk when you mouth doesn't even open? He just frowns all the time now. He was so cool when we, like, offed that crazy bitch Magneto, but now he sucks. A lot! Is Wolvie still single? That kiss he gave me in that psycho's mind was a killer. Hey, there he is now!

****

Normal dialogue starts

"Hey hot stuff," said Jean.

"Looks whose talking, sexy," responded Wolvie.

The two engage in some heavy tongue action for about three hours while Cyke ponders as to where Jean and Wolverine are.

"I mean, I don't even think he's my real son, cause, you know, Madelyne was a bitch…and a clone."

"Oh my stars and garters. Never, ever denounce your own son, Cyke," THE BEAST said. He pulls out a metal pot and wallops Cyke over the head with it. "Now, where were we…"

"Oh geez…Beast…that…" 'smack'. That was the sound of Cyke falling over to the floor, unconscious by the almighty power of THE BEAST.

"Oh dear."

We return now to the heavy tongue action of Jean and Wolvie, who appears now to be engage in some…um…how to make this PG-13 rated…oh fuck it…SEX! SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX! Fuck off you stupid censors…oh, what…oh story yeah. My bad.

"Oh Jean!"

"Oh hairy Canadian monkey!"

"Oh…monkey? I'm a monkey?"

"Oh, sorry Wolvie…I'm brain dead remember? And besides, monkeys come from Canada, so don't worry, I'm not insulting you."

Wolvie thinks to himself for a bit. "At least your hot, now lets get back at this. Oh Jean!"

"Oh Wolvie!"

"OH JEAN!"

"OH WOLVIE!"

The scene turns NC-17 rated here. I don't know what to write for this scene, so this is left up to your imaginations. Hehe.

Scene returns to THE BEAST, who is deciding on not administering First Aid to the massive wound on Cyke's head, which is getting worse.

"I know this looks bad, Professor, but I'd rather see Jean get fucked by Wolvie, not by this homebred sissy boy."

Xavier rubs the baldness of his head.

All of it.

"You present an interesting point, Hank. But what of the team leader? You know you can't go on a mission without a team leader."

"Yes, I know, but that's what Storm is for."

"Must you not forget that she has not led a mission with this team in over three weeks now…chasing after those diaries…explaining what her power is over and over and over again…God that was soo annoying the first time it happened, but that writer is messing with it again! Somebody kill me!"

Magneto arrives, back from dead.

"Somebody call?" He takes Xavier from his seat and proceeds to rip his whole body apart by doing that iron pulling trick.

THE BEAST cheers in corner. "Oh dear…can you do that again? Oh PLEAZZZE!"

"Why certainly…"

Cyke has regained consciousness. He looks up to see THE BEAST get torn apart by that iron gripping thing…yes, I know, its hideous, but its sooo fun to write about…I know people don't want to see THE BEAST die…ok, fine, he'll be brought back from dead…but not now…back to story.

"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED the beast!"

Archangel chimes in. "YOU BASTARD!"

Cyke, looking pissed off…as usual…proceeds to knock off Magneto with his laser beam at full blast.

"Hey, it isn't a 'laser beam', it's an 'optic eye blast'!"

Oh shut up you fucking sissy.

"Hey, you're making me say it."

Hmm, you make a good point. Time to add the usual anvil to the scene.

"What anvil?"

Look up, sissy boy.

Cyke looks up. "Oh shit." An anvil, weighing in at a massive five million pounds, crushes Cyke like a bug.

Good, now that gets rid of him. Time to bring THE BEAST back.

THE BEAST has been magically reformed. "Oh my stars and garters."

Scene returns to Jean and Wolvie. They are still at it…ehh…

"Hey monkey boy, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I don't know. It sounded like an anvil dropping on a sissy boy."

"Hmm…now that you mention it…yea I did hear an anvil being dropped on sissy boy. I wonder who that sissy boy was."

"Oh well. Enough talk, monkey boy. I want your :::insert naughty word here::: now!"

"Damn! And I thought you were empty up there!"

They resume…oh god this is sick…a hairy monkey and a red airhead…crap now I'm calling him a monkey…for fuckings sake!

Scene goes to boat in Atlantic.

"Oh Storm!"

"Oh Bishop!"

"Oh Psylocke!"

"Oh the third incarnation of Thunderbird!"

"Um, Sage?"

"Yea, Rogue?"

"I know you're a computer and all, but have you ever tried lesbianism before?"

"Um, I'm not sure…hell, I barely know what I do!"

"Oh. Well there's a good time for everything, huh?"

"I guess so Rogue." Note: I will be shot by my sister for having Rogue in a lesbian sex scene. Why, you ask? Because Gambit hasn't arrived in X-Treme yet.

Scene goes to a jungle in South America.

"Oh nephew of Dr. Trask!"

"Oh bald lady with enormous head!"

Damn, this is getting rather…repetitive, don't you think?

Well, this concludes part one.

If anyone has any suggestions for part two, let me know, as I will continue it upon my return from Europe.

A sneak peak, however…

Cyke and Jean, in a fight…

"Fuck you, sissy boy! I like Wolvie! He's a real man!"

"Him? Holy God I'm going to puke! You know how old he is? He's like, your great-great-grandfather or something…in age I mean, cause if he was then I'd lose my intestines."

"So? I always like the older men."

"God, Jean, you are so seriously brain dead…"

Wolvie and Cyke, in a fight…

"SISSY!"

"MONKEY BOY!"

"CORK UP ANUS DIPSHIT!"

"MONKEY BOY!"

"SUCKS ON XAVIERS DICK 24/7 BOY!"

"MONKEY BOY!"

This, and more, and the Noodle Game continues…


	2. Part 2

The Noodle Game

Disclaimer: x-men = not mine

x-men = marvel

enjoy

The Noodle Game

A fanfic presented to you by…

THE SHAGGYDIZ!!!!!!

Part two

The time is 8 o'clock in the evening. Jean and Wolvie had just finished their long ass sex romp through the danger room. As they get dress they get confronted by Cyke, who now appears six inches shorter than he did before.

"Ok you two," he started, "I don't like this happening behind my back. It's evil and sick and ridiculous. I mean, look at him. He's way better looking then you."

"Um, Cyke?" Jean asked.

"Yes, hon?"

"How come your shorter than me now?"

"And me, hehe?" snickered Wolvie.

"Hey!" yelled Cyke.

But it was true, as Cyke was now 5'2", one inch smaller than Wolvie. Ok, so I don't know how tall Cyke is in the comics, but just imagine him being one inch smaller than Wolvie right now, ok? Ok.

Hi. I am Professor Xavier. Yes, I know. I am dead. But I have died a martyr, as Magneto here did.

Yes, Charles, or "Chuckie" as I like to call you.

Hey! Don't call me by my bed name!

Oh, sorry…

Anyway, as you can see, my X-Men are in a deep conflict right now, as presented by that monkey head Casey. Yes I know. He's a good writer. Sometimes. But what he did with Jean and Wolvie was just down right perfect. I think. I don't know. But I do know that you, the fan, are reaping the benefits of it by watching Cyke suffer. Yes. It's wrong. Anyway you put it; it's just down right funny. Now back to the story. Cyke has confronted the stupid red head and the Canadian monkey about their time together…all 45 hours of it.

Hey Chuckie?

What?!?

I got a little present for you. It's in the bed.

Oh great.

"What the fuck? This can't be right! I was always taller than you."

"Tough shit sissy boy. Now that I can fight someone my size, let's take this outside."

"Go Wolvie! Go Cyke!"

"Hey!" they both exclaim. "You can only cheer for one of us!"

"Oh," she ponders for a bit, twirling her hair in her finger while thinking. "Go Wolvie-Cyke!"

"Gah!"

Scene changes over to THE BEAST, as he is slowly piecing Xavier back together.

"Professor Xavier sat on a wall. Professor Xavier had a great fall. All of the heroes and all of the villains couldn't put Professor Xavier back together again."

"Hey, Hank?"

"Yes Archangel?"

"What the fuck was that?"

"Was what?"

"Aaah just fuck it! You lose your marbles or something?"

"Nah, they're tucked away safely in my wienie bikini." He reaches his hand into his thong thing to pull out a big bag of marbles. His package size, also, just reduced to nearly nothing.

"Um, Hank, you ok in the sack? I mean, they are some good girls in this house that you could get on, like Jean and Emma Frost and…"

"It's cool. Besides, Jean is already a whore because she sleeps with both Cyke and Wolvie, and if you gave her blonde hair, she would be your perfect stereotype. And Emma…hell I really don't even know her that well, especially that new power she got. I mean, it really hasn't been explained yet to me."

"Then you should go fuck her then! God, Hank! Face it, we're in the 21st century! You can go screw anyone you want and they wouldn't care. Now kids, just remember to always wear a condom while doing it, to prevent the transition of any STD's and semen into the vaginal area."

Both flash a cheesy smile and a thumb up. Why? To give everyone a positive message on safe sex.

"Cha-ching!"

I don't get it. I mean, I've loved her ever since 1963, or I think so. I mean, we've barely aged a year in the past forty! Oh well. She still is hot as anything. Still, come on! I've been here longer than Wolvie there, so that gives me the right to Jean, no matter what! Why? Well…she is my wife, first off…and Wolvie is fucking 500 years old! Holy God that isn't right, a caveman fucking a innocent twenty-something! That is not right at all.

Ok, that sissy bitch is going to get hurt. Goddamn crybaby, which is all he is. Just look at this floor in the confessional room. It's covered with tears! Somebody give me a fucking mop! God, what does it take to get a fucking mop in here?

"Here you go, Mr. Logan."

'Snikt' Damn bastard. Anyone else want to take their time?

'Crickets chirp'

That's what I thought.

My husband is gay. My husband is gay. Just look at him. He's a crybaby. He's a sissy. He won't even accept a fight from Wolvie, even though they are the same size now. Hell, he didn't accept anything fights from him when he was twice his size! Why did I marry him? Why did I marry him? Why did I marry him?

Scene goes outside to a boxing ring. In it are Wolvie and Cyke. Just in case your wondering I threatened Cyke by telling him to fight Wolvie or he'll be shrinking another two feet. He accepted rather quickly, that sissy. In the corners are Jean. Well, she is real in Cyke's corner but unconscious. Her astral plane form is in Wolvie's corner, supporting him tremendously. In the ring as the ref is…Archangel? Hey I thought THE BEAST was supposed to be the ref!

"Yeah? Well he's kind of preoccupied right now."

Scene goes to the outside of THE BEAST's bedroom door. Inside the room we hear strange sounds.

"Oh Emma!"

"Oh THE BEAST! Hey, you really are a beast, aren't you?"

"That's why they call me THE BEAST for. Hey, what is your new mutant power anyway?"

"You want to see?"

"Sure."

She turns herself into pure diamond.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M STUCK!"

Scene goes back outside.

"Damn, that doesn't sound good at all," said Cyke.

"You've sounded worse, honey," Jean said, the astral plane version.

"Hey!"

"Ok, will the fighters walk towards the center of the ring," stated Archangel.

"Hey, shouldn't we be helping THE BEAST now?" questioned Cyke.

"Shut up, girlyman. You just want to go help because you don't want to fight me!" exclaimed Wolvie.

"Ok, you two. The rules are simple. No hitting below the belt. No use of mutant powers whatsoever."

"So wait a minute? Does that disqualify me?" Wolvie pondered.

"No, you're the case exempt here."

"Oh, whew."

"And by request of the sissyboy here…"

"Hey!"

"No hitting in the face, for it will quote 'remove my beautifulness' unquote."

"What a girl. Hey Jean."

"Yeah?"

"Ready to see your husband get beat faster than a Portuguese throw rug?"

"Whatever. Just kick his ass."

"Will do."

Ding ding. That was the start of the fight. Now we all know that Cyke is a pretty strong person. He is also an excellent fighter. Hell, he'd probably kick my ass if he were real. Still, even with Cyke being in top physical shape, Wolvie never plays by the rules. So as the fight begins Wolvie throws a right hook to prettyboy's face. Why? Um…I don't have a response for that at this time. Anyway, back to the fight. Cyke, being the girl that he is, looks over to Archangel, who is flirting with every hot girl in sight at the edge of the ring.

"Hey, ref! He hit me in my face!"

"Oh, sorry, didn't see it."

"Oh you winged fr-"

Wolvie just popped him in the stomach. Cyke hunched over and now really not liking this. He steps up and proceeds to throw a punch right into the despicable grin of Wolvie's. Now this is surprising. I'm letting Cyke in the fight. Oh well. Wolvie stumbles back, realizing that a sissyboy just hit him in his jaw. He turned and looked at Cyke. But Cyke wasn't Cyke no more.

"Oh shit."

Oh shit was right. For you see, Cyke had turned himself into the Hulk. How? Through magic I tell you. Magic. Wolvie was running around the ring for dear life now. He can run around the ring, though, knowing that the Hulk would chase him in the same path. For you see, the Hulk isn't smart. Hell, he's very stupid. Note his one-liners of "HULK SMASH!" or "YOU HURT HULK! HULK HURT YOU NOW!". Still, it won't be pretty once he catches up to Wolvie.

"Yo, writer dude?"

Yes?

"A bit of assistance here."

Oh, right. Who would you want to turn into?

"How about that really big dude from the Fantastic Four?"

Um…sorry, no can do. I don't know his personality real well.

"Grrr."

Hey, you faced him before, remember, about twenty five years ago?

"Yeah, but no one remembers that fight. Besides, to find out about it your going to need nearly $6000 to purchase the three stories that I'm in."

Oh, right. How about Gladiator?

"That sounds good."

Alright then. With that, I turned Wolvie into Gladiator. Now I think here the fight turns pretty one sided, because Gladiator is just as strong as the Hulk, mind you. However, Gladiator is invulnerable. Hulk is not. So Gladiator and Hulk dish out some heavy fighting, both getting tired after a while.

"HULK SMASH MOHAWK MAN!"

"You do not fight with the honor of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard. You will be justly punished!"

Great! I got two idiots fighting each other. This is perfect. Just perfect. Hell, I forgot about everyone else. Archangel appears that he will be involved with a mass of girls tonight in his room. Jean, both real and astral, are discussion the values of perfect hair. 'Smack' THE BEAST is recovering currently in the infirmary. And the X-Treme team in the Atlantic can go on and rename themselves "The Love Boat".

So this concludes part 2. Part 3 will be arriving soon. I hope. Hopefully after my vacation I can have some better ideas cause I know everyone reading this is yelling "REPETITIVE" and "RIPOFF". But oh well. The best humor comes from smacking everything that has happened before.

One assignment from everyone reading this. In both parts so far I have gone and referred to many things in the world. Mostly TV. So here is your task. Email me and tell me what I've ripped off and ripped on so far. Here is one of them for good measure: the Real World confessional has been ripped. You can include that and many more if you find it. Now for a preview of part 3.

Hulk and Gladiator, playing go fish…

"HULK HAVE TWO FIVES! HULK HAVE TWO FIVES!"

"You have no honor. Besides, do you have two fives?"

"HULK HAVE NO FIVES! GO FISH! GO FISH!"

THE BEAST and Emma Frost, round 2…

…

…

…

You get the point. Privacy is intended for those two.

Enjoy!


	3. Part 3

The Noodle Game

The Noodle Game

A fanfic presented to you by…

THE SHAGGYDIZ!!!

Part 3

The scene opens as THE BEAST leaves the infirmary recovering from his bout with the flu. Note to the readers: if you read part two, you'd know what had happened to our big blue furball and his –

"Hey! Don't discuss my package!"

Sorry THE BEAST. I won't let it slip again that you got gripped up by Emma Frost pretty badly.

"That's it! I'm going to kill you!"

Oh, your funny THE BEAST. Hell, have fun trying to find me.

"And why the hell you keep on calling me THE BEAST everytime?"

Oh, you'd rather me call you THE BIG BAD PUSSY CAT WHOSE DICK GOT FLATTENED INSIDE THE DIAMOND HARD EMMA FROST, uh?

"Um…"

Yeah, that's what I thought. Hell, that's what I'm going to call you from now on. And everyone else will call you that too.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Yes!

Scene changes to main living room. THE BEAST is taken there, and everyone else is there watching TV.

Hey people. THE BEAST has a new name.

"Who cares," Jean stated. "We're watching 48 straight hours of Beverly Hills 90210."

What?

"You heard her," Cyke said.

"Pipe down sissy boy," Wolvie kicked in.

"Hey!"

Goddamn you fools! That show was never good, or at least I didn't think it was, for I have never watched a single episode of it. But besides the point. You're going to suffer now.

With that, the narrator drops a piano onto the TV, but a strong wind kicked up and knocked it over to Cyke, crushing him and completely missing the TV.

Oops.

Take two. The piano hit the TV this time.

Got my attention?

"Yes," they all whimpered, except for Cyke, who has been flattened again.

Good, now THE BEAST has a new name, and that's what he's going to be called from now on. Now, THE BEAST…hey, where'd he go?

Not even the narrator knew where he went to. None of the other people, the cameramen, saw him leave. This left the people at a very strange predicament."Hey, narrator dude," Professor Xavier said, back from the dead, "why don't you use your powers of transporting him here?"

I can't. It's a must see thing that I have to teleport. THE BEAST has to be here in my vision to teleport. Besides, you're the telepath, Chuckie. Why don't you find him?

"Don't call me Chuckie!"

"Hehe, Chuckie," Wolvie snickered. "What you do, go to bed with Magneto?"

"No!" he was trying to be sheepish about it.

"Yeah right, Picard."

With that, Professor Xavier/Picard whipped out a phaser and shot Wolvie with it, stunning him tremendously.

"Ouch!" yelled Wolvie.

"Now you watch what you say, before I go around telling everyone you slashed with Magneto."

"Cripes! Please no, don't tell anyone, oh please!"

In comes Magneto, back from the dead…again.

"Hey Wolvie."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Whoa, even this I didn't know. This could turn out rather interesting. Fuck THE BEAST, I want to see this shit.

Scene changes to a bedroom. In the bed is Wolvie. Magneto is in the opposite corner, wearing just a thong.

Um…ok, I've just grossed myself out.

"Like, you're telling me? You can't do this to my Canadian monkey! No one can!"

Suck it Jean, before I turn you into a toad and proceed to have the Hulk step on you.

"So, like, that will be so totally cool, yea know?" She proceeds to twirl her hair endlessly.

AAHHH!

The magic of the narrator comes in handy as he turns Jean into a little toad, uglier than the ugliest toad. Why? Because I know you people want to see it happen. What…Hulk isn't available? Who do you have as a replacement? What…no not him…no…no…oh…he'll do nicely.

Juggernaut enters the scene. "Hey, Chuckie! Long time no see, huh half-brother?"

"NOOOOO! Stop calling me Chuckie!"

Juggernaut picks up table. "Do you have to explain everything that I do?"

Hey, if I don't, no one will know how you did away with Jean.

Juggernaut ponders. Juggernaut makes a decision. "You have a point."

Good.

Juggernaut turns to Jean-toad. Juggernaut lifts table over head. Juggernaut pauses. Juggernaut pauses. "Hey, why do I look like an idiot?"

Because you are.

Juggernaut thinks. "AHHH!" Juggernaut drops table on self. Juggernaut kills self.

Good, I didn't like doing that continuously. Crap! Where's Jean-toad?

Scene changes to Jean-toad hopping away. She goes down a long hallway before turning into her room…which is also Cyke's room.

"Hey! A toad!"

"_Ribbit! Ribbit!_ (Cyke! It's, like, me, Jean!)"

"Whoa…wait a minute…that looks like Jean!"

"_Ribbit! Ribbit!_ (Because it is me sissy!)"

"Hmmm, it is rather ugly though. I'll put it out of its misery."

"_RIBBIT!_ (NOOOO!)"

Cyke blasted Jean-toad into a little green mess. He also blasted through the next 3 floors. Archangel, Wolvie and Magneto, and…THE BEAST? Hey everyone, get THE BEAST!

There was a mad chase to get THE BEAST. THE BEAST went running and hopping around, avoiding the various X-Men as they fly, swoop, kick, punch, psi-blast, laser beam – 

"Hey! It's an optic blast!"

Oh shut up. – healing factor, razor claw, diamond tough, and just about everything else the X-Men used in this sad story can throw at you. It took a good hour to finally capture THE BEAST. He was hog tied and brought into the main living room.

"Ok, so we get to finally know what THE BEAST new name is, huh?" Cyke asked.

Yes, we do. And THE BEAST won't have any say in it what so ever.

"NOOOO!"

Somebody gag him.

"Alright," Cyke said as he grabbed a piece of twine and proceeded to tie it around THE BEAST's mouth and head.

THE BEAST chewed it up.

You fucking idiot!

"What? I thought it would work."

THE BEAST has sharp teeth. How would you expect twine – of all things – to hold up?

"Um…yes?"

AHHH! The narrator dropped a bathroom tub on Cyke, crushing him for the third time.

Now that problem has been solved. So, the moment you have all been waiting for. THE BEAST's new name is…

Everyone in the room…Professor Xavier/Picard, Wolvie, Magneto, Emma Frost, Jean-toad…or what remains of her…and Cyke…likewise…leaned forward in anticipation for what the new name was.

…wait. I forgot his name.

"What?" everyone said in collective unison.

I forgot. Crap! Shit! Fuck me!

"NOOOOO!"

"YEEESSSS!"

Oh shut up THE BEAST. The narrator proceeded to flatten THE BEAST with a navy aircraft carrier.

And that concludes part 3. I didn't cover the X-Treme X-Men this time because I picked up number 3 yesterday and saw that something major had happened. So no ripping on them. Maybe I'll put that Vargas dude in a gay orgy, that'll show him.

So now, scenes from part 4:

Wolvie and Magneto, in bed

"So, huh, you really never meant to rip the metal from my bones, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that honey. It'll never happen again."

"It better not, or I'll gut you again like I did in that last issue you were in!"

Nightcrawler, Iceman, Archangel and Chamber, in a bedroom

"Dude, we suck right now," said Nightcrawler.

"Yeah, we need someone new to write for us," said Iceman.

"At least my new suit rocks," said Archangel.

"I got sucked off by Sugar Cane last night," said Chamber.

Crickets chirp.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, ok. She's a real slut you know."

"Oh, definitely. That's why I'm getting everything so easily. You should try and get on her."

"Oh, we'll try, won't we guys?" Archangel asked.

"Hell's yeah."

Till next time.


	4. The Conclusion

Disclaimer: the X-men do not belong to me.  I wish so, cause I'd do worse things than what I'm doing here.

The Noodle Game

A fanfic presented to you by…

THE SHAGGYDIZ!!!

The Conclusion

            It is a marvelous Thursday morning as the X-Men…and friends…are sitting in front of the TV and watching their favorite show in the world, Beverly Hills 90210.  I say X-Men and friends for a reason.

            Damn there are a lot of people.

            Ok, here we go.

            If we are the TV (imagine that, you're the TV!! Haha…um…nevermind), then starting from our…left!  To the far left is Professor Xavier/Picard in his hover spacecraft.  On the love seat next to him is Magneto and Wolvie.  Magneto is holding X/P and Wolvie's hands.  On top of Wolvie's head is Jean-toad, who, after being put back together by my magic is more hideous than ever.  Trust me, I'm no fucking Harry Potter.  Next to them, in a relatively small three-person couch, we have the Hulk, Gladiator, and Juggernaut.  They have been fighting for position the whole time, a good…five minutes.  Behind them is Archangel, who due to his wings really won't be sitting down.  Next to the relatively small three-person couch is another love seat.  Sitting there are the BEAST and Emma Frost, who has decided to get married and have blue diamonds for kids.  Last, and certainly…the least, is Cyke, who has taking the old wooden chair from the attic and has stationed himself in a corner.

            In actuality, everyone told him to sit as far away as possible from him or her, as he is rather stinky at this time of day.

            "Guys, can I move over?"

            "NO!"

            "Geez," yelped Cyke.  "Hey!  I don't yelp!"

            "You do now, stinkbomb."

            So now Stinkbomb Cyke was dejected even more by the narrator.  Back to the plot.

            "Plot?" asked Professor Xavier/Picard, "What plot?"

            What do you mean, baldy?

            "This entire story has had no plot!  You've just beaten us for your liking!"

            Oh no I haven't.  I've written a story to please the fans.  They are the ones who enjoy the pointless name calling and ending smashing by foreign objects.  Don't you guys?

            "(Insert response here)" the readers said.

            Okay then.

            "HULK HAVE NO SPACE!  HULK HAVE NO SPACE!"

            "Shut up.  You have no honor."

            "Oh quiet down, you stupid mohawk doof."

            "HULK THINK MOHAWK MAN TALK TO MUCH!  HULK SMASH!"

            "Be quiet you stupid green behemoth!  You have no honor in the Shi'ar Empire."

            "_You have no honor.  You have no honor._  Oh will you just cut it with your stupid 'honor' shit?"

            "HULK SMASH MOHAWK MAN!  HULK SMASH STUPID RED HELMAT MAN!  HULK SMASH!"

            "Hey, uh, narrator?"

            Yes, Wolvie?

            "Can you get rid of this guys?  They're being too loud."

            Certainly.

            With that, the couch catapulted our three talking morons out to the ring outside.  We will join that fight later.

            "HOORAY!"

            With the three behemoths out of the picture, everyone settled down for some quality television.  They flipped through the channels until they saw a crisis on TV.

            Trish Tilby was in the helicopter, giving the full report.  "Hi, I'm Trish 'BEAST lover' Tilby, coming to you live over what appears to be a reported attack of mutants against humans.  From what this reporter can see, it looks like a hairy dirtbag, a cat, a frog-"

            "It's a toad you dumb bitch!"

            "Oh, right…a toad, and a pyromaniac.  Civilians are asked to stay away from the area."

            The X-Men looked around at each other, doing some heavy thinking.  Suddenly Stinkbomb Cyke stood up.

            "Hey guys!  Isn't that Sabretooth, Mystique, Toad and Pyro attacking those innocent people that we must save?"

            Everyone took a long look at Stinkbomb Cyke.

            "Hey narrator," Jean-toad said, "Can you do something about this disturbance?"

            What do you mean?  Shouldn't you guys be out there saving those people?  I mean, that is the first smart thing Stinkbomb Cyke has said this whole fucked up story.

            "Thank you."

            Don't push it pancake.

            "Oh right."

            Jean-toad resumed her talk.  "Well I guess we should go.  But I don't think we'll all fit in the Blackbird.  And I don't want to leave those three monkeys outside."

            "You got a point, Jean-toad," said Xavier/Picard.  "Hey narrator?"

            What is it Chuckie?

            "Grr…can you teleport us to the scene of action?"

            I think I can.

            "…"

            What?

            "We're waiting…"

            Don't look at me.  I'm only the narrator.  Get some random mutant to teleport you.

            "We were expecting you to do that!"

            Well, sorry.  Just having a bad day.  Hmm, lemme see.  *conjures up random teleportation spell* Okay, there you go, you're there.

            The X-Men and friends looked around to see mad chaos and carnage on the streets.  There were numerous corpuses on the street, and at the far end of it they saw the cause of it all.

            A hairy dirtbag, a cat, a fro…err, toad, and a pyromaniac.

            "X-Men assemble!" yelled Stinkbomb Cyke.

            "You idiot!  That's the Avengers call!" yelled the BEAST.

            "How would you know, blue boy?"

            "Cause I was a part of that team before, pink eye!"

            "Pink eye?  Pink eye!"  Stinkbomb Cyke turns to look at the narrator.

            Hey, don't look at me.  You started this whole mess.

            "ROAR!  WHY IS EVERYONE AGAINST ME?"

            "Because your stupid," said the BEAST.

            "And you smell," said Jean-toad.

            "And you slashed with Magneto," said Xavier/Picard.

            "I DID NOT SLASH WITH MAGNETO!"

            "Then why is your name like that?" Xavier/Picard pointed out.  Stinkbomb Cyke again turned to the narrator.

            Why the fuck you looking at me again?  It's not my fault you slashed with Magneto.

            "WHY YOU STUPID PIG FUCKER!"

            "Uhoh," said X/P.

            "He called the narrator a stupid pig fucker," said Wolvie.

            "He's gonna get it now," said Emma Frost.

            "You think we should run?" asked Jean-toad.

            "That sounds good," said the BEAST.

            "I'll fly if that's okay," said Archangel.

            "Running is better.  I'd hate to get hit by what the narrator is about to do," Magneto said.

            The X-Men and friends jetted off, leaving Stinkbomb Cyke with the narrator.

            "Um…guys?  Guys?"

            SILENCE YOU INSOLENT FOOL!

            "Yipe!"

            QUIET!  FOR YOUR MISTAKES I WILL CALL UPON YOU THE MIGHTY HAND OF GOD!  Err…THE MIGHTY HAND OF THE NARRATOR!

            "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

            With that, a great big hand appeared in the sky.  It came down upon Stinkbomb Cyke, crushing him along with four city blocks.  When the hand disappeared, all that was left with was a small smear spot where Stinkbomb Cyke once stood.

            Well that does that.

            "Hey, narrator," X/P said.

            Yes?

            "Can you get rid of those evil mutants?  We'd all like to go home now and watch the big triple threat match?"

            Oooo!  That sounds like a good idea.

            With that, the narrator took his mighty finger and shot the hairy dirtbag, the cat, the frog-toad, and the pyromaniac into smithereens.

            "Thanks big guy," said X/P.  "Now how bout the greatest match of them all?"

            That sounds good.

            With that, everyone returned to the X-Mansion, where a great battle took place.  The battle went on for ages, as Hulk, Gladiator and Juggernaut engaged in a slugging match that would have made the record books.

-------

            And that concludes the most pointless story I have ever dared conceiving.  My apologies for being massively late.  But then again, I never though that I could take a one joke gag and run it for four chapters.  Blame my sis, who wanted me to continue the story.  Anyway, tell me what you guys thought of it.  Pretty please!  I would really like to know if you guys would want to see a sequel or something like that.  Other than that, thank you for sitting through this, and I'll come back again some day.

            By the way, the Hulk won in the end.  Use your imaginations.


End file.
